Externally Processing My Way Through Life

I'm not sure I know how to handle emotions in a healthy way. I have Josh to thank for that painful realization, one I've had glimpses of clarity about but haven't been able to fully own up to until now.

I have a few defaults for how I choose to deal with strong emotions: run away, yell and get angry, or ignore it.

My family usually gets one of the first two because they aren't very easy to ignore, and Chris won't let me ignore him.

Dealing with the situation with Matt Chandler (and thinking back to when Chris had melanoma and how I dealt with it) has made me aware of the third one. If I can avoid conversations about the situation or anything that triggers thought about it, then I can cope. Because at the first confrontation I'll break down.

In the last several years I have made leaps and bounds in the area. I used to be a hot mess with how I handled my stuff. Even though progress has been made this is still a pretty big issue in my life. I think it would be easy for me to brush it off or excuse it with explanations on how poorly I was taught, but I don't want to excuse it or ignore it, I want to continue to grow. And more importantly I want to try to teach Josh something different, and I can't teach him something different if I don't model or learn what that something different is.

So I'm trying to figure it out. And I'll tell ya, it ain't easy. We girls (admittedly particularly during certain times of the month) feel insanely strong emotion. So what do we do when feeling those? If it spurs us to act well, then it's no problem since lavishing affection on others isn't something most complain about. But what do we do when the emotion results in crying fits or yelling rages? I think the general key is self discipline, but I'm still mapping out what the logistics of that look like. I have general "no-no's" for how I allow myself to act, but I need to expand that.

Like I've been telling Josh it's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to act ugly out of that anger. I need to become more self-disciplined about how I act in the midst of my emotion. I don't always want to have to go and apologize for how I've acted, and I certainly don't want my family to have to be witnesses of my lack of self-control. I need to be better about obtaining the self control in the midst of the moment.

This the hard part. I'm not really sure how to do that. I've got a couple theories, like taking a moment to pray, or memorizing scripture that pertains to what I want (namely the fruits of the spirit passage), but beyond that I need divine wisdom. Soon, because ya'll I don't want to pass any more of this generational sin on to my kids.