I love how only the God of creation could write something so brilliant that it could touch and move anyone that reads it in a way that is unique to their heart.

I am currently amazed at this in how I get to relate the bible to Josh. We're in full fledged boy mode here at the Kelly's. I get shot on a daily basis, and bad guys are always being fought or chased.

Usually Chris and I tag team on bed times, he takes Josh and I handle Jack. With him out of town last week and this, I've been doing double duty. It's really nice to be able to get that time with Josh again though, I forgot how much I missed it.

Anyhow, since I have been putting him down, and I don't know Charlie stories (awhile back Chris started randomly making up stories about this guy named Charlie and his friends Jimmy, Ricky Bobby, and some other crazy names, there is a running story line of which I have not been apprised of it's developments) every night he asks me for a "God story".

What I love is that in the phase of his life right now, I can pick one of several dozen stories off the top of my head that can relate to him where he is at, and better yet, get him excited about God and what he does. His favorite is David (throwing a rock at a bad guy, please, no contest!), but he also is attentive to anything with bad guys, fighting, or soldiers. Lucky for me, that's like half the bible. At least. Tonight I told him how cool God is that he can take someone who is a bad guy, and make him good. I used the story of Saul/Paul to illustrate this (again, anything with rock throwing goes along way with a 4 yr old boy!).

I am enchanted with the fact that the same book that for years has romanced me and told me I was beautiful, showed me love in a thousand different forms, and is the ultimate love story, is the same book that is teaching my boy what it means to be a man, what a real fight looks like, what true strength is, and how to be a leader.

I am in awe of this books power and greatness, and the God, MY God, who wrote it.

So I'm hoping my summer break brings a slightly slower pace. We've been running around like crazy now for a couple of months. However my last ministry obligation that requires preparation will officially end as of tomorrow night. Weird. To have two months off. And then, even when it all starts up again, Josh will be in school. SCHOOL. Mind you it is technically preschool, but it's 4 days a week, it might as well be school. I'm still processing through the fact that he is four. School will be a whole other step I don't have to deal with until September.

Lots of thoughts about parenthood recently. It seems so ironic to me that I want so badly not to screw it all up, but at the same time have the knowledge that somehow, some where I'm going to. Maybe the sheer desire to want to give it my all and do my best will help me not to mess up, or at least not as badly as I would if I weren't intentional about it.

There's a line in the movie The Emperor's New Groove (side note: one of the best movies ever, for kids and for adults. so funny.) where the villain is talking about this person that just fired her and she is extremely upset with, she says "who does he think he is, I practically raised him!" and then her sidekick replies "yeah, you think he would have turned out better." It cracks me up how parents talk about their kids behavior in astonishment, like they have no idea how the behavior developed. Mind you their are a few cases that really are out of nowhere, but more often than not, the children learn from the parents.

Josh is stubborn, and loves being around people. If you know me, neither one of these is a big surprise that my child when have these charachteristics.

I really hope that when (I really think it's more a when and not "if") my kids start behaving in ways that I think are not good, that I can step back and instead of just getting upset with them for their behavior or actions or labeling them as a "difficult child", ask myself what I did, or am doing to create the situation where they feel the need to behave like that.

I want to be a reasonable, understanding, clear thinking, Godly minded parent. Lord willing. Hopefully the sheer understanding of knowing what it is like to not have that will help me have a propensity towards this.

Everything that is good in me came from God, and everything that's wrong is because of our parents. Lord help me!

It's been a rough week.

Earlier last week Josh was doing some of the worst misbehaving he had ever done. Jack also has at least two teeth coming in right. I was already pretty worn down, and then Thursday morning (about 3am) came and Josh started puking. He followed it up with several recurrences throughout the day, until late afternoon when he was finally feeling better. About that time I started to feel really crummy, I kept trying to ignore it, but by about 4pm I was over the toilet too. In fact I went there at least once an hour until about 10pm that night. And I'm sure you can guess, but Chris was sick with it by mid-afternoon the next day.

Somehow Jack didn't seemed to be affected by it (PTL!). It was rough, I don't think I have ever been that sick before that it didn't land me in the hospital, and Chris said he hadn't ever had anything this bad before, even while we lived in Ukraine.

As many of you know, Josh's birthday was Friday, and mine was yesterday. So far all celebrations have gone by the way side due to the destruction the stomach bug left in it's midst.

Just when I thought things were getting some what back to normal, I woke up to Chris coming over to tell me he tried to go into work, but before he was too far down the street his car started over heating and billowing smoke. Sweet.

It has just been one of those weeks where almost everything that can go wrong, has.

And in the midst of it all, I have been dealing with a very bad attitude. The suburbs have been affecting me in all sorts of negative ways, and I have no patience or grace to deal with any of the misfortune that we've dealt with.

It was not a good Sunday to have to miss church! Hopefully normalcy will be restored soon, along with my attitude!

I love reading Acts and learning about what the church looked like at the beginning, before it became all institutionalized. I love the grass roots feel of it, and how no matter what any one needed, the church as a whole pitched in to take care of them. There is also a part of my heart that longs for this type of setup, knowing deep down that this is really how it's supposed to be. Wanting to be a part of something like that, but admittedly, not thinking it was possible.

My mind is beginning to be changed. Through our small group. I think if the church is to get back to the grass roots feel, this is the most likely form for it to take.

Our small group is great, there are so many ways I can see how God completely orchestrated the coming together of our group. It's been really neat for us since one family lives just up the street from us. They have a son, Joshua who is 2 months older than Josh and he is Josh's best friend. They will go to the same preschool next fall, and eventually go to the same elementary school. It's great that Josh has someone to play with all the time, and someone who will help ease some of the big transitions he's coming up on.

Two weekends ago, Chris had been talking to Steve (small group, Joshua's dad) about some of the problems with our Honda. He loves to work on cars, and offered to come look at it. He spent a couple of hours of his Saturday afternoon playing with our car.

This weekend, we needed to get some mulch, and they have a truck, Steve took Chris to go get mulch, and the proceeded to help us spread it all out. That night, they were needed help moving some things, so Chris headed up there to help out. This Monday was his wife, Claudia's birthday and they had made a cake for her (I may have played a small role in recipe supplication), they had leftovers and brought some down to us. This weekend Chris is headed over to their house to help them with their mulch.

We found out one of the other couples in our small group had their septic system back up into their house this weekend, damaging most of their main floor, and requiring extensive repairs. Within 48 hours, everyone from our group had either called or emailed checking on them to see if they needed anything, or there was anything we could do.

I'm so impressed by our groups servant hearts.

I feel blessed to be a part of this group, but even more so blessed by getting to see the way God really created the church to interact with one another being lived out right before me.

You need to keep in mind that we are all people with very different backgrounds and upbringings, some didn't grow up in the church, and those of us that did are from all different denominations. There is almost a 20 year age gap from oldest to youngest in our group. Some people have been married almost 10 years, and some only 2. All this to say, that we aren't a group of people that would probably tend to gravitate towards each other on our own, what brings us together, and what we all have in common is Christ.

I never really thought I would get to see something comparable to the Acts church. Not only do I get to see that being lived out, but I get to be a part of it. How cool is that?

I am kind of over having children today.

I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Not that I don't love my kiddos, I do, and would do anything for them, but today... today was one of those days.

At some point (generally) after you are married, you start getting these faint ideas in your mind of how fun having a baby would be. Those inklings turn into wanting, and produce full fledged "gotta have" desire.

Even after your first at some point you regain your sanity and want another one, because at this point, you can handle one. And they are still cute.

Two... it all changes with two. Well, it all changes with one, but it really changes with two. That's when you are really IN parenthood.

There is no more time for the two of you, no more down time, or time to get anything done. Your life is completely and utterly consumed with children.

And sometimes it's fun.

And sometimes it's not.

Sometimes the novelty and joy of being a parent has worn off and you are just in it, and overwhelmed by it. And you are over it, looking forward to the next phase of life.

While we had stopped on our way to STL at a Cracker Barrel, a man sitting at the next table told me "to enjoy this, these are the best days of your life". I smiled and nodded.

But really I thought: who are you kidding? I mean the guy was kind of old, so maybe he had forgotten.

Don't get me wrong, there are things about having little kids that are great, and I try to treasure every bit of it that I can. But I think most people who have dealt with this would readily admit, it's exhausting!

Not to metion, I don't want any period of my life to "be the best". I want to appreciate every phase for what it has to offer, and to make the most of it, glorifying God to the best of my abilities during it. And then I want to move on the next one and do the same, not dwelling on any period, longing for that, but appreciating it, what it did for making me who I am and what God did during it, and continue living my life. Not for the past, not for the future, but for today, and how I can best glorify God in today.

But there are somedays when I am ready for Heaven. Today was one of those days.