Sometimes I feel a bit smothered in the South. Well, let's be honest...I felt smothered in the Midwest and the North as well. I just put myself out there and apparently that's pretty strange. I don't believe in pretension. Being pretentious isn't going to help me or anyone else.
Choosing to put myself, who I am, what I've been through, what I've struggle with out there will not only build real relationships quicker, it will also benefit those who are in and/or struggling with the same things.
That's pretty rare down here. Thankfully I've found a few people who are willing to make that leap but it's much more common to keep your mouth shut and always be "good" or "fine". To always be polite and act happy even if you feel like your world is falling apart. To never fight with your husband, struggle with your children, or be frustrated with your circumstances. But that's not life, nor is it me.
For instance right now is just a hard period. There has been a lot of loss and death change and frustration in the last year plus. I know mentally that in everything God is working for my good. I know that in my head, but right now it feels awful hard to communicate that to my heart.
I love that when a sermon just rocks me and I start being really honest with God that I CAN. That I can tell Him that right now, all of this...it doesn't feel like love. Loosing my grandma and my MIL in one year, two of the only women in my life that encouraged as a mom, and a believer and in staying at home, that would just let me call and clear my head and be there and listen and give wise counsel....having them gone doesn't feel like love.
Feeling called to place and then to have nothing but frustration and hurt and confusion while trying to serve....that doesn't feel like love.
And then after pouring your heart out about how right now His love doesn't feel very loving and knowing He hears you, being able to fall on Him in trust and faith that every time before you've felt like this He has walked you through it and shown you how it was His love. Trusting that someday it will all make sense and be worth it. Trusting that He's heartbroken watching my tears. Trusting.
Because He who has begun a good work in me will bring it to completion.
