I've discovered the key to marital bliss and raising children well. But you're not going to like it.

It's selflessness. As in the opposite of being selfish. dictionary.com defines it as: having little or no concern for ones self.

Let's just say in ministry there are lots of conflicts and issues we seem to find ourselves surrounded by or immersed in. And I haven't seen one yet where the issue wasn't someone in the picture was being too selfish. Self focused.

Although let me be clear, while I think selflessness is important I think this means focusing less on ourselves, not loosing ourselves. I think we as moms in particular have a tendency towards this. Finding our identity, and sole purpose in being a mom. That's not good either. While we may be called to be moms and wives that is not our sole purpose, or else God will take us home when our kids reach 18. We as women have the opportunity to impart life to many, not just our husband and kids.

However I think for most of us our tendency is towards being self focused. Nine times out of ten when I am feeling frustrated in my marriage it's because I am being self focused. When I take time to stop focusing on myself and my needs or wants, nine times out of ten my marriage is happier. I know not every one's situation is like this, but I think more often than not it helps. Same with parenting. When I start getting to the point where I just want to lock myself in a room (or literally have to in order to have a conversation), when I step back and try to focus more on my kids needs they magically start behaving better.

It's not easy.

I've heard people say that each stage of life teaches you more about God and Christ, which is why they created institutions like marriage and parenthood. I can totally see that. Especially with kids.

I think a good 60% of parenting is consistent boundaries. For about 4 years I have been telling Josh some of the same things. He still doesn't listen to a lot of them, but there are some he does now like clockwork. I ask him to do something and about 70% of the time he does it. The FIRST time. This never happened two years ago. But we were persistent, and held our lines.

God gives us guidelines too. We ignore them or turn away but He always finds away to put them back in front of us and remind us of them. He holds His line, and eventually (hopefully!) we come around. My struggles from five years ago are not the same as they are now (except for pride, but I think this is the root of most sin and one I will battle until I die). I have grown and matured.

But Boundaries aren't easy. To draw or to hold to. It's not easy to change the game on people by creating new boundaries. It's not easy to enforce them either, particularly on little blond haired boys with adorable blue eyes who have the sweetest smile ever created, but still keep telling you "no". Or telling your husband your sorry for how you treated him and that you were out of line (have I mentioned I have pride issues?!). I've also had to ask forgiveness many a times for stepping over boundaries God created I never thought I would cross. Doing these things involves selflessness.

Not going out all time and leaving your spouse with the kids, not zoning out when your kids are craving interaction, not sitting on the computer for an hour when your spouse has asked to talked to you...not focusing on your self.

Focusing on the bigger picture. God's bigger picture. For you, for your marriage, for your children, grandchildren and generations down the road. We have the opportunity to do things right, to change what has been done before, to create a new standard. But it takes not focusing on ones self. Giving up ones self and focusing on the One who gave us self for His purpose.

Josh had a field trip this morning to a pizza place. They got to make their own pizzas, see how they were made, and then eat a lot of it.

I always enjoy field trips and parties because it gives me the opportunity to interact with the parents. That may make me sound like a big dork. Most of you know I'm pretty social, but it's also one of the few times I get to hang out with non-believers. I like those opportunities.

One lady I was talking to who I've chatted with before was joking around with me (because I was taking so many pictures) and said I was probably a blogger, and a scrapbooker since I am so "with it". The blogger comment threw me (since, hello...) but I quickly corrected her on the scrapbooking. I think making homemade sugar cookies with all the kids names on it for Valentine's Day gave me a bad rap.

I was slightly amused by the comment. Because in my life I feel like I don't seem to have any of it together. I've got a dozen balls juggling and at any point one could drop.

I found it very entertaining that somehow I could be perceived as being "with it".

But how many of us think that of other people? I know I have a few people in my life who always seem calm, collected, organized and "with it". Isn't it funny how we perceive things? I seem "with it" because I take lots of pictures, make cookies and blog. The only reason I made cookies for Josh's class is because I was already making them for cupcakes and it made my life easier. I spent all day making his and 5 dozen other cookies completely neglected my children and had to go out for dinner that night. My pictures make it to Facebook at best and haven't been printed out for anything other than grandparents. And the only reason I blog is to remember what the heck is going on in my life and get the overflow of thoughts out of my head.

I've been reading "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore. It's changing my life. I knew I was insecure in some areas, but thought I did a pretty good job of keeping it under control. Until I read her definition of insecurity. Then I realized I was a hot mess who was ready to have a breakdown at any given point. Her definition virtually pegged me to a tee.

I don't have it together. No one does. That's why we have a savior and why we need saving and grace.

I'm tired of creating standards in my head to live up to and making other people my yardstick to measure up to.

Hoping the book tells me how to stop : )