7:32 And I want you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 7:33 But a married man is concerned about the things of the world, how to please his wife, 7:34 and he is divided. An unmarried woman 24 or a virgin 25 is concerned about the things of the Lord, to be holy both in body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how to please her husband. 7:35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place a limitation on you, but so that without distraction you may give notable and constant service to the Lord.
I mean I theoretically understood, but it still seemed kind of harsh to me. I (pridefully) always thought I could do it all, and do it well.
I get it now.
Last night Chris and I had to sit down and have a conversation about our schedule and if I was trying to do too much ministry and serving. Just saying that seems shocking to me. Too much? There is never too much! I'm not even doing everything I want to do!
But when our family nights are dwindling, keeping up with the house is stressful, I've stopped enjoying making family meals each night, and there are only 3 days in all of October where there is not something to do on the calender, something has got to give somewhere.
I must admit that I at times struggle with making my family my priority ministry, or even viewing it as a ministry. I think the line of serving enough out side of the home, without it being too much is always going to be a difficult line for me. I think it's important that my children see me serving and being actively involved in ministry, but I don't want them ever to feel like I care more about, or give more time and attention to the people that I serve instead of them.
Thankfully, I think don't think we are anywhere near that point, but I want to make sure I never even get close to that.
I love my husband, and I love my children and I want to do the best I can for all of them, while doing everything I can to further the kingdom as well. I'm learning it's very difficult to do both to a level I am happy with simultaneously.
That is why I have a new understanding for that passage. I wish I could go to youth camp, and the youth mission trip, I want to do more foreign mission trips as well, I would love to help lead a youth servant team where we help minister to the needs of our community weekly (serving at homeless shelters, elderly homes, etc.), I want to have time to contact each of my small group girls throughout the week, I hope to lead my own Beth Moore bible study, and I want to have done an in depth study on the passage for our adult small group each week, not to mention keeping up with all the meetings, trainings, retreats, and prayer requests for all of the aforementioned aread.
But for right now, none of those are really plausible. I also want to be there for my boys every time they need me. I want to help Josh master writing his alphabet and make cupcakes all the time for his class, answer all his questions about God and Jesus and help him memorize more bible verses. I want to get in as many snuggles from Jack as he will allow before he gets too old, and I want to make him laugh every chance I get and help him figure out which is his eye and which is his ear. I want to hear about what happened in my families life over a hot (ok, warm) healthy meal each night, and I want (ok, need) a half an hour (at least) of quality time with my husband each night.
Those, I can do (most of the time). And that needs to be enough for me. I know I have a ministry calling for my life, but just as I committed to being a stay at home mom and not working full time, I need to be better about putting my (full time and unpaid) ministry calling on hold while I focus on the more important ministry God has given me right now.
I just wish it was possible to have this kind of insight while you are single. I wish I would have taken more advantage of the freedom that singleness offers and done more during that time (and no, coffeehouses and living in Ukraine wasn't enough for me : ) I dream big.) I wish I would have cherished it more as a gift.
I think that's a whole other blog post, cherishing whatever time you are in and the blessings they bring. Because even a time of suffering brings blessing, but I digress...
So I will continue to struggle with contentedness at my primary ministry being at home and try to figure out the line between too much and not enough serving. Hopefully I will have a long list of ministry passions and goals stored up to pursue when all my kids are in school, or out of it, whenever God decides. Something to look forward to.
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