Externally Processing My Way Through Life

Wow. There has been so much going on in the last month. Not just activities but God really working on me. I love it. I just wish I had more time to process and share it all. But like most things in my life right now, ya'll get the cliff notes version.

This post pretty much sums up my status with prayer. This was written by that guy I talk about all the time- Matt Chandler's wife. I wish I could be friends with her. Anyhow, I've been in general feeling convicted about my attitude in prayer and reading this summer up where I'm at exactly. I feel like God has been giving me a deeper heart for prayer, and even a greater desire for it. Maybe it's because he's also been working on me with pride (more on that later) that the humble act of prayer is coming more frequent and natural for me. However now I have this problem of wanting to spend more large amounts of time focused on that. It's a problem because I have small children. I have small LOUD children. And I cannot get up early enough for time in the word and the amount of prayer that I want. So hopefully at this point in my life The Lord is cool with us chatting regularly throughout the day.

The hubs and I have been having lots of deep talks recently. See there's this topic that keeps coming up every few months, and it has since we got married. It's this whole ministry subject. Are we called to it/are we not called to it, what is the timing and logistics of making that leap if we are... there are lots of conversations. Long story short when we first met Chris wanted to be a worship pastor. Through some drama and life and God opening other doors, it didn't happen. And thankfully not right away, or else that whole having having a kid in your first year of marriage wouldn't have worked out so well. I've know every step that we were where God wanted us, but we've always wondered about "in the future" or "when God opens doors". Well we are finally at a point where there is no next immediate step in the future, and it's almost is God is telling us to pick our future. And after 5 years, I think we are both just ready to KNOW already. Are we called to corporate life, or are we called to ministry life, and just wanting it to be clear and have a peace about God's calling and placement. So we're praying for that. Along with that has been me learning a lot. Being willing to be submissive and come under my husbands leadership no matter what decision and my happiness with it is (he usually makes decisions I like and respect so it's not as much an issue).

And that whole pride thing. I know I've thrown it around here before, and other places, and I don't have an issue saying I've got a pride issue. The problem is that the throwing it around has become commonplace and I stopped taking seriously the sin issue in my life. Thankfully god hasn't been letting me get away with that any longer and is officially kicking my butt on it again. I am so grateful. One of my constant prayers is that He would open my eyes to the sin in my life and that I could see it as how He sees it. The problem is I'm not outwardly prideful (generally speaking, I'm sure there are a LOT of exceptions) my biggest are of weakness is in my mind and the thoughts that I have the comments that stay in my head, my attitude and motivation behind doing or saying something. Thankfully God is getting in my head too. I need more of him there. My biggest struggle with pride is that too often I am focused on me and myself and not enough on Him, His glory, and His greatness and plan. Thankfully I'm a work in progress and through His grace there is hope.

So that generally sums up me and my life right now. I miss having more time to get my thoughts out. November brings hope of normality, PTL! Maybe more external processing will resume. I sure hope so because without it I am in my head way too much, and that isn't good for anyone. I over think things.