Finally a chance to get all (or at least some) of my thoughts out. I really wanted to do it in the moment, or at least sooner to every thing going down, but life did not afford me that.
The evening after I wrote my last post I got a call from my mom telling me my grandma (dad's mom) had gone into the hospital. She's had two bypass surgeries and a couple of heart attacks. She's a tough broad, and I wasn't too concerned, nor were me parents. Or the doctors, because they didn't get her in for an MRI until the next morning. After seeing that they realized she was having an aortic aneurysm and rushed her into surgery. I got a call in the afternoon informing me of all of this and that she still had several hours to go.
While in the middle of leading my small group I got a call from my sister letting me know she was bleeding out in surgery. My grandma's on lots of blood thinners, I knew it wasn't good. While going to pick up my boys my mom called to tell me she hadn't made it. I broke down. It was so sudden and unexpected. I'm so thankful I had friends that immediately started praying over me.
Thankfully we had already been planning on leaving Saturday to go to STL for my cousins wedding. We moved up the departure time, and helped with funeral details.
See my grandma wasn't just my grandma. She was my name sake, my confidant and my friend. We were pretty close. Not to mention, I've never had any one close to me die before so this was uncharted waters for me.
I honestly wasn't completely confident of her salvation. We had talked about faith, but it had never been point blank asked. God was SO good to give me peace in that. At the visitation some of her dear friends from her neighborhood came over to me. They told me they wanted me to know they rushed to the hospital Tuesday night and point blank asked her, she said she was a Christian and that she prayed every night, that she knew Him, and she knew He knew her, then they told me she proceeded to talk about me and how my faith had influenced her. I am so grateful to the Lord for knowing what a peace that would give and making sure I heard those words through the Body of Christ.
In the process of details it unfolded that Chris was playing piano for the service, and he also ended up randomly being the "officiator". I can't remember being more in awe, impressed and in love with my husband on one day as I was then. He completely allowed the Holy Spirit to indwell in him and speak through him. Not only did he honor my grandma and what she was about, but he LAID OUT the gospel in a largely unbelieving room. He even looked my grandpa (agnostic) in the eye as he gave the gospel. I know God is going to use what Chris said. It was so incredible to see him walk in such faith and submission that day.
There was an open mike time where people got up to speak. I said something, but I didn't feel like I was very eloquent, or quite did justice to her. Mainly because I was crying the whole time. Any how, here is what I would have said had I been composed enough:
My grandma always used to tell me I was just like her. No teenager wants to hear she is like someone old so I usually just brushed it off. In the past several years my grandma and I have become very close. Her tenacity and how she handled moving multiple times gave me strength and wisdom as I was going through similar circumstances. She had a way of listening that was so non-judgemental. She would usually have her opinions about what I told her, but she would always let me finish and then would tell me what she thought matter of factly. No more drama after that, she had said her peace and I could do with it what I wanted. I always appreciated her honesty and directness.
As I've grown I've noticed things about her that a younger more self absorbed person doesn't tend to see. She is always giving. Rarely expecting any thing back. Every one who knows my grandma has something she has made for them. Those that really know her have difficulty storing all that she has made or given them. If she hears about a need she drops every thing to help meet it. Whether it be quilts for a cancer center, a weeks worth of food for a neighbor or just helping to pick someone up, she was some one you could always rely on. The way she served others was remarkable.
She was super thrifty as well. My grandma used to be the coupon queen, and always had a coupon for every thing. She di ligently served her family and helped save money in this way. While she had gotten away from doing it as consistently in the past few years there was never a time she sent a package to me that didn't have a diaper coupon in it. Also, instead of throwing out papers, magazines and other publications she though of others even as she read. Dad got the Rush Limbaugh papers after she was done and I got all the cooking magazines. And if she saw an article in the paper she thought you would like she cut it out and sent it to you.
She was also super crafty. One Christmas we got a suitcase full of handmade barbie doll clothes. All self created. She has made hundreds of quilts and afghans, and any thing else she could figure out to sew. She saw no need to buy some thing you could make yourself and because she was the one who made it for you, you loved it even more.
She was also wonderfully organized and planning oriented. You knew what she wanted, when she wanted you to be there and what she wanted you to bring. It made life so simple. The only reason my closets are the least bit organized is due to her affinity for making me clean mine out every time she came to visit. Even in the last few days before her passing her planning was a blessing. She had Chris', mine and both of the boys birthday presents wrapped ready to go with cards on it. Now I can keep and treasure her last gifts and the last words she wrote to me and the boys. As my husband said well in his talk "she always knew what you were going to need before you needed it." She knew an education in organization would lend a life time full of use. She was right. Like she was most of the time.
Just like she was right when she said I was just like her. I so am. And I am so proud to be. Crafty, organized, service oriented, and thrifty. I love to create things, grow things and cook things. I'm also stubborn, strong willed, tenacious and outspoken, just like she was.
Grandma was big about passing things on that meant a lot to her. While I can try to do that with the physical things she left, more importantly I want to do that with her memory. My children will know GG Sue was a big part of who I was, and in turn who they are. They'll know the attributes of her they have in them, and why that's such a blessing.
I'm going to miss my grandma. She was someone safe I could talk to, and share things with I hadn't told others about. She understood me in a way that no one else can. She poured so much wisdom and love into my life. I am a better person because of her, and proud to be just like her.
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