Externally Processing My Way Through Life

So in hindsight, watching Benjamin Button the same weekend my baby boy turned 1 probably wasn't the best of ideas. It only contributed to the echoing thought in my head: how fast this all seems to be going.

More annoyingly I feel as though I have been squandering the precious time I have been given with them as little ones. On the job training is rough.

Thankfully, I'm picking up some of the lessons before it's all too late.

The first year with your first one is incomprehensible. Your too busy just tyring to survive to even think about treasuring moments. Add to that an expectation of moving away from your friends and family, contemplating a career change, and dealing with the additional 30 pounds your carrying around and all that it does to your formerly know self confidence, and you can pretty much rule it out all together. Josh turning a year old was one of the biggest causes to celebrate that I had ever heard of. I was so glad to be done with that.

After moving to CT (shortly after he turned one), I was thrust once again into survival mode. What with no friends, family, church, and a host of other things that we did without, we became focused on getting out of there as quickly as we could. Except in the process of submitting resumes, and repainting the entire house, we forgot to live in the present. Some of my favorite times with Josh slipped by without me taking more careful note of what I was losing.

Then Jack came, and right behind it the move to Georgia. It was all that we hoped it would be. Great house, great people, great church, new friends, and new things to be involved again. Once again we had a life. After living in two years of isolation I jumped at all the new possibilities of doing something. This past semester Chris and I led a small group, I was in a Beth Moore bible study, and I lead a small group of girls in the youth on Wednesdays. Add on to that providing some sort of baked good for my youth girls every week, providing snack for our small group most of the time, a couple of dinners or other cooking obligation for other occurrences, and I have been going almost nonstop.

Then Jack turned one. And I realized even though I had been trying to be more intentional about treasuring the moments I had, I hadn't been intentional enough about making the memories.

I like being busy. I like being able to do everything for everyone and make everyone happy. I like being super mom. Problem is, I only need to be super mom in the eyes of two people (okay, maybe three). And I don't feel like I was doing the best job at that. So with more time off this summer (PTL!) I've been looking at the priorities. Something is going to go, and I will not be saying yes every time someone asks me to make something. Besides I have a business now, they can pay me : )

I don't want to just have more time at home or more down time. I still want to be busy, but busy spending time with my guys, playing with them, taking them to the park, making things that they actually get to help with, and building memories with them.

Parenting little ones is tough work. Anybody who can't admit that has amnesia. It's one of the most draining, exhausting, monotonous jobs. It's easy to get caught up in it and just trudge through trying to survive. In that process you loose sight of the beauty in that period.

I've been in survival mode, and I've done being focused on the "next thing" missing what is right in front of me. I've also done "my thing" being so busy with all my obligations that I forget how quickly it's all going by.

Now I'm going to try to figure out "our thing". Where I get to do what I'm really passionate about, and get the occasional breaks I need to keep me from going insane, but where what needs to be done around the house is getting done, and where both of the boys are getting undivided attention each day. The most important part: letting it be intentional, and not a schedule, or obligation, but really having my eyes open to all the wonderful parts of this time and enjoying it.

I'm just so thankful that God has opened my eyes to this while my oldest is only 4, instead of 18! How great is his mercy!